7 Things To Stop Doing For The Sake Of Self-Love
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I haven’t seen the Charlie’s Angels movie since it was released in 2000, but the scene I remember most vividly is of Cameron Diaz wiggling her bum and dancing around her bedroom in boy-cut undies – all long-legged, tanned and flab free. I was 15 years old and had officially reached the point in puberty when I could no longer go on eating on crap, drinking cartons of Old Crow every weekend and doing zero exercise without the consequences showing up on my butt and thighs. The reason I remember Cameron in her undies so well is because it’s an image that frequently popped into my mind whenever I looked in the mirror. I tortured myself for not looking the same as her in boy-leg undies.
The easiest road to an unhappy life is going down the path of self-judgment and self-loathing – two things I was dedicated to. When you stop loving yourself, you create a snowball of crap that gets bigger and bigger as you roll on through the path picking up limiting belief after limiting belief. While this continues to go on, your lack of self-love can manifest into a whole host of issues – physically, mentally and emotionally. It compromises your health, your career, your relationships and your friendships. These issues can only be healed when you start to fall back in love with yourself.
Here are 7 things to stop doing right now to get back on the self-love path.
1. Comparing yourself to others.
This is a tough one. Really tough. Even with all of the wisdom I’ve picked up on this topic, I still find myself wishing I had Jennifer Aniston’s arms and Rosie-Huntington-Whitely’s pout. While in the past the brief comparison would have quickly spiralled into full-blown self-loathing, these days it quickly transforms into admiration and inspiration. I can now sit through a whole Victoria’s Secret show – with my boyfriend right next to me – and genuinely send kudos to the stunning creatures walking down the runway. It makes me proud to be female, and inspires me to treat my body like the goddess vehicle that it is.
2. Saying nasty things to yourself.
If we had someone transcribing all of the horrible things we say to ourselves on a daily basis we’d think we had our worst enemy residing in our minds. Stop it, stop it now. Speak to yourself nicely, please. Speak to yourself the way a loving mother would speak to their child. Be supportive, be nurturing, and replace the negative with positive talk. As soon as you hear yourself speaking unkindly of yourself, repeat this mantra: “I love and accept myself completely.”
3. Judging yourself
We tend to judge ourselves when we act in a way that doesn’t fit in with what we perceive to be a perfect person. If we eat something we shouldn’t eat, we judge ourselves. If we say something we shouldn’t say, we judge ourselves. If we act in a way that isn’t perfect and polished, we judge ourselves. Perfection is boring and bland. We’re not supposed to be perfect. We slip up, and that’s okay. Just roll with it.
4. Thinking self-love is conceited
There’s a big difference between being “up yourself” and loving yourself. Being conceited is driven by fear, and ironically it’s usually a fear of not being good enough and having your ego kick into overdrive. Loving yourself is your pure, natural form.
5. Thinking self-love is selfish (in the negative sense of the word)
Many of us believe that it’s selfish to put ourselves first – especially when children are in the picture. However, you can’t be your best self if you don’t regard yourself as number one. It’s only when you truly love yourself and put yourself first that you can live up to your potential as a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and a friend.
6. Contributing to self-hate bitch fests
Self-loathing is much more socially acceptable than self-love. When a group of friends get together (women in particular) it’s very easy to feed off of each other’s insecurities. “Ugh I look like crap today, I’ve put on so much weight,” says one lass. “No you haven’t, I have! Look at my thighs,” says another. Enough! Lead by example and exorcise the self-hate chat by saying something nice about yourself out loud in front of your friends.
7. Thinking you’re not good enough!
Believing that we’re not good enough is the root of all of our problems. It holds us back from fulfilling our potential in this world. It keeps us small. Imagine this belief lives in a box in your mind, then set fire to the box and watch as the ashes turn into glitter forming the shape of a love heart. You are good enough.
Do you do these things? How hard do you think it will be to phase them out of your life? Is there anything else you need to stop doing to allow self-love to work its magic on your life? Share away in the comments below.
Positive affirmation for the day: I love and accept myself completely for the amazing body of pure, incredible potential that I am.
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POSTED IN: love, self esteem, self loathing, self love
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A simply AMAZING post xx
You are such an inspiration!
Such a beautiful reminder to always love yourself. I love Rosie-Huntington-Whitely too!
This is spot on Jess! I especially loved in number 4, where you note the difference of ‘up yourself’ vs loving yourself. SO true!
Absolutely gorgeous post Jess and a much needed reminder from time to time – I’m sticking these babies on my mirror!
Wonderful post and the foundation for vibrant health. Thanks Jess!
I wanted to share with you all a short film from The Cure Is…(YOU) called What is Love? It is a life changer!
<3
Just beautiful. Don’t you just wish you could turn back time and tell your 15 year old self how wonderful and amazing they are.
great post Jess! What a great reminder to think well of ourselves.
I need to work on 1,2,3,6,7! And hard! At least I understand that self-love is not selfish. The worst one for me is #7. I honestly think I cannot do the thing I want to do the most. I compare myself to those who are doing it, thinking they have more talent, or education or connections… the list goes on. I don’t know how to go about it. I’m somehow paralyzed when it comes to actually starting. Thanks for the post. It got me thinking.
Thanks for the affirming post, Jess. I have been thinking about this topic A LOT lately, and one of the things I need to work on is actually doing some of these things and not just thinking about doing them. 
You are an inspiration!
My favourite post of yours so far. I definitely suffer with comparing myself to others in a similar way that you do. Hardest one up there, I would say! What a gem, thank you xo
I can’t believe you have ever doubted yourself! You are so beautiful! I totally love your tips and it’s something I work on every day. Must share this with my friends. <3 <3
Wonderful! Isn’t it sad that saying positive things about ourselves out loud can be considered conceited? We all deserve to be happy and it starts with truly finding compassion for yourself. I need to stop comparing and start seeing each individual as exactly that – a unique person that it would be impossible to replicate.
Great post. I thought that was “Something About Mary” ?
Ashes, glitter, love heart, love it
Thank you x
im with mel on this post. how to start. its not so easy to drop those thoughts. i try and i dont feel like it works to well. everyday is a struggle for me. i can feel good one day and totally feel like shit the next. and its ongoing. i feel like especially latley i have been in this rut. i teach yoga for christs sake and i tell my students to do all these thing but i can never do it myself i believe it but its hard to love the lumps and bumps on your ass when everyone who tells you to love yourself doesnt have those issues…. i dont know trust your struggles i guess. l
It can be quite a challenge to stop doing #s1-7. But fortunately, negative thoughts can be changed and destructive emotions safely purged so that our true selfs can emerge – and at the core of our true self is Self-Love.
Thank you for this insightful post.
I love this message, Jess.
hmmmm, say something nice about myself ( in front of others !!!) that’s a bit of a challenge, but I’m up for it.
I’m going to think more a bout this. it feels really important.
sandra
Good grief- this is exactly what I needed today (I think we could all do with it every day!)! I love it when you said perfection is boring- it IS boring, isn’t?! What a revelation (and huge relief!) I’ve just written a post about this too- there must be something in the air.
Thanks so much Jess!
Thanks for this Jess, what a great post and something that I have been working on over the last year and which I get better at each day. Great tips xx
Thank you Jess, Simply LOVE this x
Drinking Old Crow!! Hahaha love it
Great advice Jess!
Like many people, I too struggle with comparison. Because I know it’s my weakness I forced it to stop by not reading gossip mags and trashy music clips. This did wonders!
I’m not even jealous of Rosie at all because I never see her so the thought never pops into my head.
That is so true what was written above…. Stop reading trashing gossiping one-sided mag’s that b*tch about others and try find faults. All it does is make ourselves compare, and when we bag others, it’s only a reflection of our own insecurities. Positive affirmations and especially saying them in front of a mirror is extremely powerful, as is starting the day, looking into your eyes in the mirror, saying ‘I love you…. I really love you.’ You don’t even have to believe them, just start doing them, and see your life change. Also, whenever I realise I’m thinking something negative/self destructive/bitchy, I try immediately stop myself and chant either aloud, or in my head, ‘Om Namah Shivaya’ which is honouring your true higher self, God within you. Releasing ego. I so quickly can see the truth to the matter, and be my happy self again. Also, as soon as you think anything negative, change it for a positive thought. Turn it into the opposite, even if it seems at that moment impossible. It is AMAZING how quickly you can change your thoughts/world. xx ‘Om Namo Narayani’ is another good one for when you are stuck in a situation or have a problem you can’t seem to find a happy solution to… It means handing it over to the Divine….. When you can’t see an answer, hand it over, chant it, and before you know, your solution is right in front of you…..
Jess…really needed to read this today ~ thank you so much for this amazing post…
Em
Hi Jess I just typed in herbal remedies for terminal cancer and your post came up Ive read a little but will keep on reading My father has terminal cancer they have him in palliative care , Im trying everything I have engaged a homeopath kinesologist and reflexologist . His cancer was diagnosed end of October last year they said he had stomach cancer which spread to the liver and a spot on his back as well they took out a tumor from the top of hes osephogis and lining of stomach , We had appointments and they said they would put him in a trial if of chemo though that wouldn’t commence til feb and the standard chemo couldn’t start to start of feb anyways due to Christmas period skeleton staff etc , They were going to do some radio therapy on the back for the pain though than they said they wouldn’t Febuary 4th we presented my father to the Austin hospital where he had been going my father was in so much pain he couldn’t walk they did a scan o the back and said that the cancer spread all over his back they started radio therapy by the 3rd radiotherapy my father could not stand the pain any further and deteriorated they than told him the cancer spread to his bones lyph node and chest and there was no hope for him , they than started him on palliative care and daily are increasing the drugs through the driver my father is not present most times Is there anything else I can do
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Santina Rocca » Hi Santina, if your father’s doctors are not giving him any hope, I would strongly recommend looking at ways that you guys can help him. There are many natural healing modalities that have amazing success rates. I would suggest researching different modalities to find what makes sense and resonates with you. I chose Gerson Therapy because I kept being pulled towards it and it makes a lot of sense to me. There is always more that you can do, you just need to be willing to look and apply. You could get in touch with the Gerson Institute to ask their opinion as well. I hope this helps. All the best for you and your father. x
This post came at the best time for me, just 10 minutes ago I ate some fish fingers, because (disgusting as they are) they are my weakness haha, of course I started beating myself up about it and judging myself. I then read this post and realised its ok, I am healthy 80% of the time and I’m going to occasionally eat something bad, I’m moving on and forgetting about it, thanks heaps Jess xox
What a gorgeous, inspiring post for women! Love love. I think every woman experiences these sorts of limiting beliefs at some point in their life. I adore your 7 tips…lovely post xx
i think you are amazing! and such a calm positive and beautiful person love the blog and your efforts to make a good impact on our earth . xo