How Discovering Your Love Language Can Create Miracles In Your Relationship
GUEST POST BY REBECCA DETTMAN.
Sooo it’s time to get a bit personal by talking about my own love life – and some amazing changes my husband and I introduced in just the last three months (we’ve been together since October 2000).
For anyone who’s slogged it out with a partner for aaaages – thick and thin, rich and poor, before-children and after-children – you’ll be aware that relationships can be a constant lot of hard work. The super-sexy ‘honeymoon period’ when you first meet each other fizzles out way too quickly, only to be replaced with conversations about who pays the bills, who takes out the rubbish and who left the toilet seat up.
Even worse, books like Gary Chapman’s cult classic The Five Love Languages talk about the fact that many couples stay together for years and years, yet are totally unsatisfied – sometimes almost to the point of not speaking and not making love. Why? Because they’re not keeping each others ‘love tanks’ full. They don’t know what their partner’s ‘primary love language’ is.
I know what my husband’s ‘primary love language’ is because he came bounding into the living room one evening at 11pm with excited puppy dog eyes saying “Look! I just finished this multiple choice quiz, and you have to do it too! NOW!” The quiz is provided in Gary’s book, and helps you figure out which of the five primary love languages you ‘speak’ – is it Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts or Words of Affirmation?
So, for example, if your primary love language is Acts of Service, and you’re constantly making your boyfriend cups of tea, folding his underwear and driving him wherever he wants to go, then it’s a compete waste of energy if HIS primary love language is Physical Touch – all he’s craving is a cuddle!
From a spiritual point of view, I believe our most intimate relationships are with souls who we are purposely designed to conflict with in many deeper ways. Love ain’t grand, perfect and romantic like in Hollywood movies, and nobody actually lives “happily ever after” because after the commitment is when the REAL soul work begins. Your boyfriend or girlfriend is here to test you, help you evolve, learn spiritual lessons, resolve karma, strengthen certain qualities and hold up a mirror to your belief system.
You can always ditch them and run away to another partner, but you’re only going to repeat those same emotional blocks within your relationships until you sort them out. May as well stay and love/fight with the special soul you’re with! Then you either evolve onwards and upwards with that person, or move on to a partner offering a new (slightly higher) vibration.
A final note: you’ve all heard of gratitude journals, right? Oprah made them huge in the 90s – the idea of writing down at the end of the each day three things you’re grateful for (from ‘drinking herbal tea in the sunshine’ to ‘kicking my nicotine addiction’). Well, hubby and I have been keeping them for each other. First we both made our own list of stuff we LOVE (eg. foot massages, dinners in restaurants, loving looks, sexy notes) – and every evening, I write down three things I did for him (from his list), plus three reasons I’m grateful for him. He does exactly the same. Trust me when I tell you that this is a way to bring about MIRACLES in your relationship.
Do you know what your primary love language is? Do you know what your partner’s is? What do you think of this idea?
Author bio: Rebecca Dettman is the founder of the Aurora Circle spiritual group and a spiritual expert who regularly appears in mainstream media. Her weekly PowerFM radio show, articles, seminars, intuitive readings and events have inspired thousands of people to release their blockages, find their personal power and embrace their life purpose. She is also the host of a podcast show called Love-Life.
Connect with Rebecca …
Positive affirmation for the day: I am deeply loved.
join the tribe
Join the green mo revolution! Subscribe to get Jess's updates & Green Mo Revolution e-book FREE with over 80 green smoothie recipes!