5 Tips For Coping With Criticism
“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Aristotle
In April it will be three years since I started this blog. I began blogging two weeks before I went to the Gerson clinic in Mexico, and I was so proud of it right from the beginning. I would pour so much love, transparency and vulnerability into each post. I wanted to give whoever was reading a truly authentic snap shot of what life is like when you are healing your body naturally. I was delighted when positive feedback and encouraging comments would come in, and this fuelled me to spend more and more time crafting my online sanctuary. But then, as if the universe knew my ego needed to be balanced out, I received a flood of criticism.
I wrote a guest post for a popular, albeit conservative, website and had no idea what I was subjecting my story to. When the post went live I expected the usual positive and supportive feedback to appear in the comments. But it didn’t show. Instead, came a constant stream of horrible name-calling, condemnation, and death threats. Yes, death threats.
I was shattered, and for about two days I was obsessed with refreshing that page to see what else was being said about me. But then it hit me: it was naïve of me to expect any reaction other than the one I was given. My story is controversial, and I’m sharing it to challenge the way people think about dated ideas of cancer and healing. This reaction is exactly what I deserved – and it was not necessarily a bad thing.
Being dealt such a bitter blow became my motivation to educate myself even more on my topic, and spread my message even wider. My haters became my motivators. I decided right then and there that I could either stop blogging and keep my story to myself, or I could grow an extra layer of thick skin and stay strong in my message. I chose the latter.
The criticism hasn’t stopped. In fact, as my audience and profile has grown it’s only become more frequent. However these days I don’t dwell on it. I understand it. Criticism has a purpose; it’s always going to be there, it’s just up to me how I choose to deal with it. We don’t have control over the things people say about us, but we do have control over how we decide to internalise it.
Now, whenever I hear or read critical comments, the first things I do is fan my defenses. At first I might cuss and flip the bird at the computer screen, but before that initial “how dare they” reaction bubbles up into something I can’t take back, I take a deep breath and tell myself that it’s totally okay for whoever it is to have an opinion that is different to mine. We are all at different places on different journeys, and it would be arrogant of me to think that my opinion is right and theirs is wrong. Mine may be what is right for me based on everything I’ve learnt and experienced up until now, but there’s nothing to say it won’t change in the future. And if I were in their shoes, coming from a place of differing knowledge and experiences, I would probably have a very different view of the situation. There is no right or wrong, there are only more points of view to consider – and they all deserve respect.
I love the saying, “When you stick your head above the crowd, someone is bound to throw a tomato at it.” As long as you truly believe in what you stand for, and you’re moving your message forward from a place of love, criticism can actually be seen as a good thing. If you’re receiving criticism, it generally means that you are doing something that challenges the way the status quo thinks. If no one ever did that, we would still believe that the world is flat and women still wouldn’t be allowed be allowed in pubs.
If you’re receiving criticism, congratulate yourself for being part of the change you want to see in the world.
My five tips for dealing with criticism:
1. Drop your defenses. Realise that it’s okay for people to have their opinion. Silence your ego and see that criticism is simply just information.
2. Scan the criticism for truth. Even if it’s just a glimmer, that new perspective may be what you need to take your journey, message or work in a more enlightened direction.
3. Practice self-love every day. When you develop a true sense of love and respect for yourself, you will have more power to stand up for your message. What other people think of you will have little to no impact on the way you view yourself.
4. Understand that everything has a purpose. People and events come into our lives to teach us something, so look for the lesson in the criticism.
5. Let it go. Take a deep breath in and thank the universe for sending you whatever it was that you needed to learn at this time, and then slowly breathe out and release all attachment to the criticism.
How do you cope with criticism? I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments below.
Positive affirmation for the day: I send love to everyone I encounter.
Like this post? Share the love!
Share on Twitter Share on Facebook Share on Pinterest Share on Google+
join the tribe
Join the green mo revolution! Subscribe to get Jess's updates & Green Mo Revolution e-book FREE with over 80 green smoothie recipes!
Write a Reply
I love this post Jess! So inspiring and something that I can really benefit from.
Thankyou! xo
Hi Jess, an EFT client of mine recently told me how brilliant you are! I am an EFT (emotional Freedom Technique) therapist and trainer in Sydney. EFT can really help heal the negative self talk and critisism by gently and powerfully going to the source of where it began, releasing limiting beliefs about oneself to allow attraction of magical things including Self love and acceptance. Alison Monaghan
I am constantly being called to explore EFT more! Thanks for the prompt Alison. xx
Great Jess, please feel free to contact me [email protected] as EFT is my absolute passion, I love assisting people to clear the emotional limitations to enable them to really attract their heart felt desires into their lives. 
Have a fabulous day x
I second that Jorja – just what I needed to hear today!
Thanks Jess, this is an awesome post. When people criticize me, I remind myself that no matter what I say, some people will agree with me and some will disagree. It’s as you say, we are all different and we are at different places in our journeys. I try not to take the criticism personally. xxoo
Great post and just what I needed today. Some good lessons here!!! xxx
Wow Jess death threats really? I find it so hard to believe that there are people who would find you anything but amazing?
This makes me remember something my yoga teacher once said. When people are having a go at you or you are on the bad side of their emotions you have to always remember this. IT’S THEIR STORY! It actually has nothing to do with you. They are getting caught up in their head with their stories / belief systems and it really has nothing to do with you. It’s how you REACT which is what matter which then becomes your story!
I am going to pin this! I think everyone needs to read your post. I have never coped well with hurtful & hateful stuff that is directed at me – So I think I need to start doing what you do!
What timing! Just received some really abrasive criticism last night and I shot it down with all my anger & ego. Ugh. I realise now it has spurred me on to improve what I’m doing and I will be taking constructive action based on that very criticism, I just wish I hadn’t responded straight away. I should have followed my usual rule of letting my response sit in my drafts for at least a day until I had cooled down. I find that drafting a cranky response somewhere, to be filed away, often helps. Then you delete it 24 hours later. Thank you for the lesson Jess, it doesn’t matter how old or experienced we are, we still need to learn to deal with criticism!
[Drafting follow up email right now]
xx
Thanks Jess! I am a journalist that is just starting out and I have experienced that horrible feeling of reading the not so positive comments. Even though it was only one comment from a keyboard warrior, it really knocked me around and made me want to bury my head under the covers. I even considered giving up journalism, something that I have been passionate about for a good part of my life. Your post could not come at a better time!
Great post Jess! It’s amazing that you can get an acerbic comment and just let it slide by. I agree with you that there is often an element of truth in criticism that we don’t want to hear, but I find it hard to let negativity slide by me! I have been trying to get better at ‘letting it go’ so this post was a great reminder!
Fabulous post Jess.
Criticism just spurs us on to be even more authentic. I know because I’ve had my fair share of it too (being psychic and all).
xo
Brilliant post Jess! When i started blogging a few years ago, I remember my heart just dropping and then beating out of my chest whenever I’d get a negative comment. I’d dwell on it, talk about it, wonder how they could be so mean when all I was trying to do was help. I actually think it was negative comments that prompted me to stop blogging, even when my (old) blog was popular and received mostly positive comments.
I also have another blogger friend who would call me in a panic whenever she’d get a negative comment. I totally understood where she was coming from.
But like you, I now get it. And so does she.
If we decide to live a “safe” life, and not challenge the status quo, then criticisms rarely surface. But when you put yourself out there, put your heart, soul and knowledge out there, it’s only natural the negative comes with the positive. I think it helps us to grow… accept ourselves more and learn to be braver in the face of naysayers as we move forward on our journey.
Keep doing the good work lady! You’re an inspiration to so many! xxx
Great post Jess,
I think if everyone realised that we are all doing the best we can with the tools we have at the time the pressure is taken off to always listen and believe what others say to us and about us.
Ps – love your work!!
Very timely message! I wonder whether sometimes people are over critical because that is all they know as “home”. I just had this realisation when reading your post. I told someone they were difficult to work with today after they had spent a lot of time being critical in a non productive way and, well, difficult. But now I realise that this is just this persons way of operating (and it wasn’t necessarily my place to challenge them on this). They are like that to everyone and it is a defence mechanism. I also had the entire class critique my work yesterday which was interesting as usually that would send me right off, but even though my work was fairly average I also gave myself permission to be ok with the fact that my task was a difficult one, I am still learning and while there were many helpful people telling me what was wrong, no one actually volunteered to show the class how to do it right! So I learned where I was going wrong and did it right, in front of everyone, and then went and did it again just to reinforce what I had learned! It wasn’t comfortable but my lesson was that maybe we just need to go easier on ourselves and our “human-ness”
What synchronicity – I just blogged today on “How to feel confident about speaking up.” It helps to remember that criticism is just another person’s opinion – this only becomes negative if we turn that opinion against ourselves.
Here’s another one of my favorites: “What other people think of me is none of my business.”
Hi Jess,
Firstly thank you for all your blogs. I’ve followed your posts since I saw you speak in Southbank months ago. My whole family have become vegan (following the wise footsteps of my brother) after my dad became ill with cancer last year. We are all keeping positive!
I am a performer and musician and am about to move to NY (on Monday eeep!) and release three new EPs, so this blog brought me great inspiration. I’ve received much criticism in the past, including an entire “hate blog” dedicated to me and my music. This criticism certainly can either make you, or break you.
As someone with a voice and a message to share, I think it is often difficult to separate ones voice (be that singing, politics, beliefs) with the person one is. As an example: if someone says they don’t like my tone or they hate my last single, it can be easy to take that to heart and think negative things like “Oh I’m so bad, I’m such an embarrassment. They must really hate me”.
My strategy is to now take a moment to differentiate between the criticism and me as a person. I am so much more than my music, which is a realisation I have only recently had. If someone doesn’t like my voice, then that’s ok. If they don’t like the person I am because they don’t like my voice then it’s their loss, not mine. What matters is that I like me.
Self love is definitely the key. Day by day I keep learning!
x
Well written Jess. I believe ‘Everyone is entitled to an opinion, we don’t have to like it or agree with it but everyone deserves the right and respect to be heard’. xxx
This is great, Jess. I find defensiveness is the first thing I turn to when criticised and I am working on releasing that. x
I absolutely love that you became more motivated by the haters instead of just cowering away- inspiration for all of us. Such an important article- thank you Jess!
What a wonderful post..thanks Jess…
There is such a fine line between critism and just plain rude…I totally understand that people have a right to have a different opinion – that is what makes the world a beautiful place…However there are people who go right out of there way to be rude and argumentive.
Nobody likes critism, and if it is constructive I try to do what you say (sometimes it fails) but if it is just plain rude and nasty I always pull them up for their rude behaviour. I think we have been taught to just tolerate rude behaviour, but it is unacceptable and these people should be pulled up on it.
So in relation to your question I always ask myself is this constructive or plain rudeness. If it is constructive I listen to it, breath through it and try and learn from it (sometimes there is nothing to learn it is just a matter of different opinions) and if it is rude I always pull them up. Maybe this is a very negative way to deal with the situation, however I have seen far to many people lose there self-worth by letting other people dictate to them their thoughts and opinions. I would love to know what other people think
Not sure if my post came through, but would like to sign up for your newsletter
Deb » Hi Deb, all you need to do is fill out this form and you’ll be on the list: http://eepurl.com/lpA0D Thanks so much! x
I love that – criticism is aimed at those brave enough to speak up or make a move that goes against what’s considered “the norm”. I’m going to keep that in mind next time I’m on the receiving end of hurtful commentary. I do try to look at the intention behind what people say. If I can look past my emotional reaction, sometimes I can see they had good intentions but weren’t very skillful in the delivery!
Dear Jess,
What a great post, thanks! I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I did a project last year for Dr. Gersons’s son Howard Strauss, where I recruited volunteer translators to help translate rather unknown articles from Dr. Gerson. I had posted several calls for volunteers through my translation agency an received wonderful reactions. However, you wouldn’t believe what negative feedback I got, too. Some people were actually furious that I had dared to ask for support for a such a scam therapy. Others told me to go and f**** because they thought I was trying to make big money without paying for the work done … I checked my emails non-stop to see what else people accused me of and I really felt awful. It took me quite some time to let go of this and I bet there are many people who have experienced something like this, too. Thanks for your inspirational words!
What a great post Jess! =)
I seperate critisicm when it’s balanced from when it comes from people who are just being unhappy and feeling bad=”haters”. So if a hater sends me a comment I picture that person and send him or her lots of love and light.
Have a wonderful day!
Jessica
WOW Jess of all days you should post this message….. thankyou so much and it’s like the universe has got you to write this just for me ……. I coped my first blast of critisicm today on Fb for the information and awareness i share…. I’m a student of Nutrition at USC and through both physical and mental sickness I’ve been forced to look for healing ways. I’m practising a whole foods plant based diet and criticism is coming from the scientific minds who want to see the peer reviewed study for everything I’m sharing….. I believe very soon we will have that research but in the mean time I’m not going to stop drinking my green smoothies because there is no double blind peer reviewed study……. Love you work over the last few years and no criticism coming from this happy camper
such a brilliant post! keep up the amazing work! your such an inspiration!
This just made my day! Such wise words and said so well! I am going to print this off to keep for those days criticism knocks me around so I can remind my ego to settle down and use it as a learning curve instead. Thanks so much! x
Great, encouraging post Jess! It’s so true that anyone who speaks “outside the box” so to speak, is subject to a lot more criticism than those who just go with the flow of what has always been taught. You’re right to say that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it seems that those who’s opinions are the status quo get down right nasty towards those of us who think otherwise. I cannot believe you were getting death threats, that is appalling; and the ugliness of anyone’s personal attack against you says a lot about who they are and nothing to do with you or your opinions. Keep spreading your message! For every hater, there are 10 more of us who support you.
Thank you Jess! I just joined your website yesterday – this is actually one of the very first ones I have ever thought was worth joining. I enjoy your writing style and your honesty and transparency. I to have had haters and used their critism to motivate me. Thank you for your perspective. Really enjoyable and refreshing.
Kathleen » Welcome to the tribe Kathleen! Thank you so much. xx
How do I deal with criticism?! Honestly? VERY BADLY! When I was younger the idea of being all things to all people very much appealed. We all want to be liked all the time, it’s harmonious. I internalise a lot when I’m under scrutiny. I don’t deal with it well, the only way to get the anxiety to abate is a combination of meditation and time. As I’ve got older I’ve realised that I do stuff that I’m very happy to be called up on to grow as a person, we can’t get it right all the time. However I also realised that ‘haters gon’ hate’ always. There will ALWAYS be someone who has something negative to say. Some adults are so stuck in their ideas that they will be down on ALOT and sometimes in a particularly unconstructive and actually quite vicious way (particularly on the internet which doesn’t facilitate tone or intention all the time). There is nothing wrong, like you say with people criticising your path, it’s different/alternative, not generally accepted but so long as we all realise we’re on our own path and have respect. And I think, sometimes, manners and empathy are hugely lacking. THAT is what pisses me off most.
I loved this post. When we are sharing our own story, it’s natural to become vulnerable and to be attached to the feedback. I loved that your haters became your motivators! It’s amazing to hear that you used negative comments to declare your stand without shame. It’s very inspiring! As people who share our souls and experiences with each other, it’s hard enough to silence your own inner critic, let alone take on the rest of the world. Good job Jess!
I love you Jess. You and your blog have made the diference in my life. Thank a lot for that.
This post stinks
No, really, it was terrific and much needed. As I work on my own platform I am working on self-criticism and learning to embrace my own inner critic. Much the same strategy is needed.
Joshua
Everyone has a right to express their thoughts and feelings and we have been encouraged by our society to challenge views we might not see eye to eye. However, the way you communicate your ideas is a choice made by the individual. Expression of anger and threats towards another individual is not necessary and uncalled for. I have always been taught and have passed this onto my children, you always need to treat people the way you want people to treat you. Respect should go both ways. Your a champion Jess on how you have decided to handle this situation. Your calm and courage is a real inspiration and please keep up the fantastic work. I enjoy sitting down for an hour a day to read your blog. Keep sharing because that is caring.
I love this advice! I have also received some criticism, but that’s what happens when you go against the grain and put yourself out there. Just need to remind myself of your 5 steps when it happens! Thank you. My favorite part of your article was this:
“If you’re receiving criticism, congratulate yourself for being part of the change you want to see in the world.”
Thanks for the positive thoughts!
I love how you’ve mentioned that we need to be accepting of other people’s opinions and it is an excellent coping strategy!
Another fabulous post Jess, so glad I found your site and your wisdom xxx
so true! it can be so difficult to see what the purpose of criticism might be, and i teach this in my creative writing classes–criticism is good if it comes from a place of wanting to help someone. and trying to understand the place the person is coming from is extremely helpful in evaluating it and detaching yourself. thanks for this! xx Fel
Oh sweetie, this story breaks my heart, but I am really proud of you and inspired by the lessons you’re taking and sharing from this. Thank you for helping us all learn how to deal with the things that could otherwise tear us down.