It’s Time To Set Some Boundaries
“Love yourself enough to say no to others’ demands on your time and energy”
– Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Guidance Cards
This is usually what runs through my head when I’m asked to do something that I don’t really want to do:
“Aww crap, I really don’t want to do that.”
“But If I say no, they won’t think I’m a nice person …”
“But I really don’t feel like doing this …”
“Damn it, I’ll just do it. Grr.”
What’s that? You too!
It was brought to my attention last year that I have serious problems when it comes to saying ‘no’ to people and being discerning with who I give my time and energy to. I’m a people pleaser, and on some level I’ve always believed that my validation relies on how nice I am to other people.
If we drill down even further, and be even more brutally honest, I didn’t think I was good enough or lovable enough if I didn’t put the needs of others first. I needed other people to like me, and would sacrifice my own needs to make this happen.
While I’m still a recovering people pleaser, I now know that these limiting beliefs I had formed are utter crap. Love and respect doesn’t come from being subservient to others – it comes from loving and respecting yourself first. What you garner internally is what you will attract externally. Word.
The world we live in is one big beautiful mirror that organises itself in direct proportion to how we organise our thoughts. If we believe we are someone worthy of love and respect, we will love and respect ourselves enough to treat ourselves with the utmost love and respect. And then this love and respect will also come from outside sources. That’s a whole lot of loving and respecting.
On the flipside, if we are constantly bowing down to the needs of others and putting everyone else ahead of ourselves, we are sending out the message that we are second rate. The universe will then send second-rate respect back to you.
One of the best things you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to set boundaries. Figure out exactly what it is that you need in order to create the life you want, and then educate those around you. Let them know what you need from them, and then lead by example by sticking to your boundaries.
Boundaries enable us to get more done, to treat ourselves better, to show up better, and to be better versions of ourselves so that we can make a greater impact in the world and the lives of those around us.
When you put yourself first, everyone wins.
This year I’m setting boundaries by …
1. Hiring help with my customer communication.
I held off on this for so long because I’ve truly loved making the effort to communicate with everyone who writes to me and leaves comments on my blog and social media sites. However, as my amazing audience grows, this dialogue is getting out of control to the point that it was preventing me from getting any work done. I really had to reassess my mission and realise that I can help so many more people by pulling back on the one-on-one responses and pouring my energy into more writing, speaking and creating. I still respond to as many comments as I can, and those inside The Lifestyle Transformation Guide program have one-on-one access to me, but I’ve hired an awesome Communications Manager to look after my inbox for me.
2. Switching my phone onto ‘airplane mode’ while I’m working.
I do this so that when I’m deep in creation mode I can’t be disturbed. I don’t like phone calls, and I am especially crabby on the phone when I’m on a writing roll. It’s best for both of us that I call you back or respond to an email.
3. Putting self care first and work second.
Back in the day I would schedule self care in around work, and it would never happen. Now, work gets scheduled in around self care. I stick to my self care routine every day of juicing, meditating, coffee enemas, lying in the sun, exercising etc.; and then I work my work in around this schedule.
4. Taking strict ‘no tech’ days.
Over the Christmas break I did a three-day White Light Intensive with Belinda Davidson (blog post about this to come soon), and part of the intensive was to steer clear of all technology for three days. Once I got over the initial shock, it was bliss. I’m now doing this once a month.
What about you? Do you set boundaries to protect your needs? What are they? Are you a people pleaser or recovering people pleaser as well? I would love to hear what you think of this post in the comments below.
Positive affirmation for the day: When I put myself first, everyone wins.
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