Stop Wishing For Things To Be Different
“It’s easy to get lost in endless speculation. So today, release the need to know why things happen as they do. Instead, ask for the insight to recognize what you’re meant to learn.” – Caroline Myss
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to acceptance lately. I’ve been doing more yoga than usual, and while I love it, moving my body into downward dogs and chaturangas and other poses that call for hands to be pressed flat into the ground, automatically makes me wish that my left hand would go back to normal.
As a result of the chemo I had on my arm four years ago, my left hand and arm is pretty damaged. I have next to no strength in it and my left middle finger is fused at the knuckle and curled over into my palm. Hence why I don’t like flat-handed yoga postures. I simply can’t do them, and it leaves me feeling incredibly frustrated.
On top of that, each year around this time I usually find myself wishing for things to be different. I wish that I could swim in the ocean (a no-no for Gerson Therapy people). While I don’t like to admit it, seeing as I preach the wellness word so strongly, I also wish that I could celebrate the holidays and new year with a few drinks. I wish that I could eat, drink and be festively merry with all of my friends. But I can’t. My desire to be loyal to the healthiest, best version of me is far stronger than my desire to get hammered.
Wishing for things to be different is pointless. More than that, it’s counter-productive. While we’re busy wishing things to be different, we are missing the point of why things are the way they are. You see, there is magic in our circumstances. Everything in our lives is there for a particular reason. Surrendering to the reasons and responding to the messages and calls is not only our job; it makes life a heck of a lot more enjoyable.
This conversation is not to be confused with “giving up” and becoming complacent. That’s a whole other kettle of fish. You can notice the difference just by feeling the energy that comes off of those words. “Giving up” feels small and contracted. “Acceptance” feels expansive, free, and like a big sigh of release that ricochets through your body. Can you feel that?
It’s still important to take necessary steps towards our goals, but we need to recognise when it’s time to loosen our grip and be okay knowing that the outcome may look different to how we’re perceiving it. A rigid perception is one of the factors that holds back all of the good stuff that is in store for us.
Be open. Be accepting of what is. Stop with the judgement. I will if you will.
I’m still going to continue visualising my arm strong and pain-free, but I’m going to stop cursing at it every time it holds me back from doing things I think I should be able to do. If nothing else, the restrictions my arm imposes keep me humble, the pain keeps me present, and the scars are signs of the strength my body has shown over the past few years. The fact that my arm is still attached to my body – despite doctors telling me it had to be chopped off – is a constant reminder of my resilience.
And as for being merry this festive season? It’s been just over three years since my last alcoholic drink and I’m smart enough to know that sobriety is what serves me best. I’m accepting that happiness and highs come from within me, and if I need a little extra buzz, there is always raw cacao.
What are you not accepting in your life at the moment? Is there anything you are wishing to be different?
Positive affirmation for the day: I accept that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be.
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POSTED IN: Acceptance, mind
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Dear Jess, I’m fully connecting with every word and emotion you’re conveying here. I used to wish that I wasn’t that sensitive to poor quality food. After cleansing out my system and embarking on a clean, vegan, plant-based diet, I can no longer tolerate acidic foods like dairy, wheat, and meat. It makes me sluggish and bleh. But going out with friends/family sometimes makes me wish that I could get an ice cream as well, or that I wasn’t so strict on myself. But ultimately, I stick to my guns because I know it’s best for me, and I feel good and strong this way. Once I accepted, it just seems much easier, people seem more accepting, and above all I was at peace again.
Sending you big hugs and lots of love. You have such grace with viewing life – and it’s so true that we should stop wishing for things to be different, and celebrate what just is. It feels uplifting, empowering, and so much more peaceful when we stop fighting against the current of flow and start easing into accepting what is. 
Kudos on you for committing to be your best self, your story inspires me to do the same! xx
Wow, what a powerful post and a big reminder on accepting our circumstances. I was just reflecting yesterday about how people get so caught up in a whirlwind at this time of year, they put their health and wellbeing to the side.
I truly admire your strength and focus, particularly at this time of the year.
I slipped up over the weekend, I ate a steak, something I never do. For days following I was so sluggish and Bleh. I needed this post to realign and get back on track, especially since I am approaching the 5th month of my first pregnancy. I need to accept new limits for my body and continue to nourish and nurture this baby.
Jess, I love the mantras you come up with every day.
I totally agree with your words.
I was thinking about my imperfections a while back. I felt sorry for myself for a while. Then I realised that my imperfections have made me a more compassionate person. If I didn’t have them I wouldn’t be able to understand what other people go through. My imperfections have made me a better person. I’m more caring, more compassionate and better able to connect with others. I am now grateful for them.
Hope you have a beautiful day.
Much love, Julie xxoo
This hit the spot for me today, Jess. Oooh-wee! With 10 months to go on the Gerson Therapy, it’s easy for me to wish the months away to the day I can devour raw chocolate fudge, have a few juice-free hours, and get out of the 5 km radius I spend most of my time in. Love that you say, “we are missing the point of why things are the way they are” when we don’t accept where we are. There are moments, days even, when it’s hard to accept that right now I’m limited, even if it’s ultimately in the name of self-love and healing – but if I bring it back to that, it’s so much easier to melt into acceptance. Big love, gorgeous you xo
WOW! what a powerful post Jess. When i was first diagnosed with cancer i was always wanting my old life back, wishing my days away and really wishing my life away. I heard a talk by Petrea King and it made me realise that this is my life, having cancer, having treatment and changing my lifestlye is my life. Wishing, wanting and pining for my “old” life was pointless and being jealous of others with a fit healthy body was only harming me.
My body is not as strong or lean as it was but I now accept the fact that it will never be how it was and even though it took me a while i’m grateful for my body and i feel blessed that it has survived everything that it went through.
Thank you Jess
Ananda xx
Jess, your post made me cry. Oh how I can relate! I love this message and it’s one i remind myself of daily with my affirmations in the morning and then again throughout the day when I find myself getting frustrated as something isn’t as it “should” be. Thank you for this wonderful post. I am holding a vision of global acceptance for us all. xx
To wish for the things you don’t have…. Is to waste the things you do have.
This is my mantra and it helped me get through my troubled marriage, which is now full of love and happiness.
I love your mantra, it makes so much sense and has a peacefulness to it, ( I guess that is acceptance)
I feel a little the same at the moment regarding my food allergies. This is my first Festive Season since I was diagnosed with severe and extensive food allergies and going along to all the social events and pretending that I am ok with not having a little sip of bubbly or canapé here and there is testing my patience. I just have to constantly keep in mind the consequences on my body if I ate something I’m not meant to and recognise how much healthier and full of life I am than this time last year. It isn’t always easy though.
Hi Jacinta,
I had a lot of food allergies and intollerances as well as enviromental issues. At one stage rice was all i could eat. I now eat whatever i want( i have a pretty good diet) thanks to taking enzymes. If i stop taking the enzymes then i find my body starts to react to foods again.
Amazing post
hehehe yes! there is always raw cacao! so proud of you!
great post hun x
Hey Jess, I’m sitting here blubbering like a baby as I read your post and it couldn’t have come at a better time… but as we know, all things happen in perfect timing.
I have been struggling so much lately with the wanting of things to be different, that I almost found myself losing focus on what my true passion is… I look around me at young women like yourself who are heading along a similar road to my own and I wonder why I can’t achieve the things I want to do faster. Then thanks to my beautiful, supportive and unconditionally loving husband and your post this morning, I am brought back to NOW and taken back by all of the amazing gifts in my life right in this moment. Once again, a man who loves me unconditionally, two incredibly beautiful children who fill my world with endless joy (and sometimes frustration), mind blowing souls like you who help keep me balanced and on track and this splendid day filled with abundance. Thank you Jess Ainscough! If you ever find yourself wondering WHY ME, please just call me or shoot me an email and I will let you know in no uncertain terms, just how much your story has changed my world and how much you inspire me every day. You’re a beautiful gift to this planet and I wish you and yours a very, very Merry Christmas… Love <3, Giggles, Health & Happiness xoJules… PS. I won't be drinking either this Christmas and that's OK… I'll remember toast you with my glass of filtered water
That’s the second post this week that seems directed at me. Spooky! I’ve been drinking wine and brooding tonight–which I guess is the same as sticking my head into the sand about my situation (s). Thank you so much for the insight. Less wine–more acceptance!
And I think you’ve forgotten that wine only makes you feel good for a short period of time–then leaves you feeling worse when reality floods back in.
Why are Gerson people not allowed to swim in the ocean? I’m surprised-I would have thought that something so beautiful and naturally healing for the soul would have been allowed.
Michaela » Hi Michaela, Gerson patients are not allowed salt of any kind – in their body or on their skin, becasuse as we know our skin soaks up everything is comes in contact with. Cancer loves salt, and Gerson Therapy starves cancer of anything it loves. x
Jess you are amazing, you inspire me every day to lead a clean and green life for myself.
Why cant Gerson patients swim in the ocean?
Lindsey » Thanks Lindsey! Gerson patients are not allowed salt of any kind – in their body or on their skin, becasuse as we know our skin soaks up everything is comes in contact with. Cancer loves salt, and Gerson Therapy starves cancer of anything it loves. x
Hi Jess, as always I read your post with interest. The thing that struck me was the part re not being able to do yoga the way you would want to……my husband had his hand cut off (radial arm saw) exactly 10 years ago. It was re-attached and if you didn’t know it looks and functions pretty much like a healthy hand. Obviously he has (had) a lot of issues with it, however never complains, but I’m sure he wishes he could do and feel a lot more than he can. He is a very positive and very much a “it is what it is” person and he recently started yoga (with me!!!) and I’m so proud of him!
Hi Jess, why can’t Gerson people swim in the sea?
sb
Sumner » Hi Sumner, Gerson patients are not allowed salt of any kind – in their body or on their skin, becasuse as we know our skin soaks up everything is comes in contact with. Cancer loves salt, and Gerson Therapy starves cancer of anything it loves. x
Thanks Jess. I also loved this post. Letting go of your old life is hard and learning to accept life as it is now is harder. Everyday you help make this easier for many people. Yeah that cacao ia awesome! X
Jess, I have to confess that you are my hero! This post, as many of your posts came just when i needed it, thank you. Again thanks to you I got to speak with the lovely Belinda Davidson yesterday, and together we’re going to kick my cancer’s ass into remission!
Sending all you lovelies love on a sunny day in Melbourne
x
Kelly » Thank you so much! Woo hoo that’s amazing. Belinda is awesome! xx
Thanks for your powerful words Jess! I think it is human nature to always want more, to try and change things that we don’t always have the power to change, and it is nice to be reminded that we should accept certain things and that there is power in that! Go you for being so strong and sticking to your health promises and for knowing what is right for your body.
This post totally hit home for me but not from a health perspective.
My 12 year relationship ended 4 months ago, he ended it and I have just been wishing things were different. Rather than accepting my new life I have just been wishing for my old life back.
I really need to accept that “It is what it is”.
This part really, really struck a cord with me “While we’re busy wishing things to be different, we are missing the point of why things are the way they are. You see, there is magic in our circumstances. Everything in our lives is there for a particular reason”.
I am going to print this post out and reread it everytime I find the darkness filling me again.
Everything really does happen for a reason & sometimes things fall apart so other things can come together. Thanks Jess xxxx
Kelly » Oh Kelly, you are beautiful! I can feel how you’re feeling just by reading your comments. Keep trusting that it will all make sense. Lots of love! xx
Thank you Jess for your wisdom and honesty. So wise and so young. I am so enlightened and gain so much from your posts and I am always amazed at the wisdom you have at your age. You are an old soul! I am now 9 weeks into the Gerson Therapy for long term autoimmune neurolgoical type yme and now likely benign ovarian cysts/gyn issues. I am 51; but sometimes I feel much younger than you when I read your blog. Wow, is this therapy hard. The ups and downs are so challenging. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I’ve done alot. I am sending you love and light this holiday season. Please continue to bring your light to the world. Blessings, Selma
Selma » Thank you so much Selma! Yes, it is such a tough therapy but I promise that it’s worth it. And it really does get easier as time goes on and it becomes your lifestyle. Stay with it, and enjoy it for what it is. Sending you so much love! x
I can relate to you hand. Having a double mastectomy with reconstruction makes yoga and some exercises difficult. It is what it is. Now I help others!! I like the trade off!!! <3
Jess, May I ask how you manage your pain?
Kelly x
Kelly » Hi Kelly, I don’t do anything for the pain. I just breathe through it when it flares up. I do have weekly lymph massage as well which has eased my pain a little. x
Jess:
I can’t help but wonder (I’m a brainstormer) if there are modified yoga poses or using blocks which will allow you deeper into the pose. Also, if that doesn’t work–can you create your own yoga routine designed especially for you? Finally (from the unasked for advice department) have you ever considered strengthening your hand and arm? When I was a child my stepfather cut off his thumb. He had it surgically reattached and was given “silly putty” to squeeze on every night until he had all his muscles working right.
I haven’t read it yet, but I’ve heard great things about Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is.” It sounds like you are learning to love yourself as is–whoo hoo!
Love and Blessings
Evergreen » Thank you so much for these suggestions! I use a block for yoga and I modify a lot of the poses so that I am able to do them. But it’s my goal to one day be able to do crow and wheel pose again. I will look into more strengthening exercises too! x
Thank you Jess. As I read your beautiful post, I am reminded that self-love gets us through life’s tough spots and opens doors to miracles.
Aloha,
Suzanne
Oh one thing I forgot to add – the power of living in the moment. Such a great way to anchor us in the present, instead of looking back to what was or might have been, or forward to what could be. Thanks again.
Awesome post, Jess!
I have battled for a few years with my heart, which knows that I feel at my best on Raw, Low-fat Fruits + Vegetables, and with my mind + body, which crave cheeseburgers, cottage pie, crispy French Fries, Spaghetti + Meatballs, cheese + ham omelettes, French bread with Camembert + a hearty red wine, champagne + canapes together with good friends etc etc etc!
But when I have slipped in the past I have quickly found out that the craving was a false dawn + the start of a downward health spiral… like that “just ‘one’ little cigarette” feeling, which inevitably leads to another cigarette, another glass of wine, a heavy, cooked meal etc etc
I have been able to eat SAD + within a week or two feel clogged up, heavy, sluggish, tired, desperate, depressed + sick.
Then I switch to 100% Raw, Low-fat Fruits + Veggies + their Juices + within a week or two I’m feeling light + energized + happy + pain-free + positive…
The cravings for SAD and its social inclusion with ‘fine foods + wine’ etc is an illusion…
There’s little difference in my mind between cooked food, preserved food, alcohol and Cocaine.
Yes, I said cocaine. Cooked food, preserved food + alcohol are that addictive + detrimental to one’s health!
They will make you sick in the end.
Stick to your Raw Fruits + Veggies, Jess.
You aren’t missing out on ‘anything’ by avoiding cooked food, preserved food + alcohol.
Your mind will trick you at times into thinking that you are missing out.. but deep down in your heart you know that you thrive + are truly happy on fresh fruit + vegetables.
This post came on a day I really needed it. Your words are beautiful and remind me to keep everything in perspective. Everything happens for a reason. Keep breathing and be open. I love how you said that acceptance feels expansive. Just lovely.
Hi Jess,
Many thanks for your personal words of inspiration! I was wondering if you have checked out DMSO, a powerful natural compound that can help heal the body (especially scar tissue)? Also, have you explored Mirror Image Therapy in regards to your arm? Being a musician and an active yogi, I really value the full use of my limbs. As a result I have done a lot of research on ways to stay pain and tension free. I wish you much success in regaining more strength and movement in your arm.
Best,
+Karen
Seeing as swimming in the ocean is out of the question on the Gerson Therapy, is bathing in epsom salts ok? Many thanks
Gabrielle » Nope, that’s not allowed either on Gerson. x
Thank you Jess for this wonderful post! You are truly an inspiration to so many people. Thank you!
Thanks Jess! This was a powerful post. I love the distinction you make about giving up v’s accepting. I will use that a lot. B xx
Thank you.
I read this at the perfect time that I was meant to be reading it…
no other words, but thank you…xxxx
You honey you! Thank you for sharing this deep wisdom with so many people.
Really beautiful post and very timely for me. Thanks so much Jess, I really value your perspective x
Jess, you are amazing! Thank you for this energising post. It is just the little nudge I need right now. x
Hi Jess,
You are an inspiration…thank you for this post (and all your other posts!!) …just what I too needed to hear at this festive time. I havent had alcohol for just over 12 months now, due to a pancreatic attack just before xmas last year. I have found myself wishing things were different over the last couple of weeks, watching everyone getting into celebrations. I did love (really love) a drink with friends and family , and have found it interesting how different making connections are socially minus the booze. Your post has been a timely reminder that my life changed for a reason, and my illness has served me for the better. You have reminded me to stay in gratitude for today and the health that I have, and to have gratitude for the past as it has led me to a future I would not have ever contimplated prior…I will be begining full time study in nutritional medicine as of next year, and I am truely excited about that….. Thank you! x