Why Showing Vulnerability Is A Good Thing
“What shames us, what we most fear to tell, does not set us apart from others; it binds us together if only we can take the risk to speak it.” – Starhawk.
For the sake of having a brilliant day, I will often kick the morning off by choosing a word that speaks to how I want to feel through the day. Often it’s audacious, or kind, or brave, or vibrant; but at the moment I’ve been choosing to feel vulnerable.
Vulnerability gets a bad rap. Why, though?
Fear of vulnerability is what keeps us from showing all parts of ourselves to the world. We are so afraid of being judged that instead we apply a facade, play small, stay in our comfort zones, and withhold dusty gems – gems that when uncovered may have the potential to change the world.
We are led to believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, but it is actually the opposite. To be vulnerable means to be open, to be exposed, to have all parts of you out on the table for everyone to see – that is total contrast to weak. That shows courage.
It’s only because we personally brand some parts of ourselves as ‘good’ and some parts of ourselves as ‘bad’ that we resist being vulnerable.
We all do it, and I am certainly not excluding myself from hearing the brunt of this rant. In fact, I’m speaking to myself mostly. I’ve been terrified of public speaking for as long as I can remember. I was so relieved when I graduated university because I thought that it would be the end of having to speak in public. Standing solo with the eyes and expectations of a crowd burning through you is the ultimate form of vulnerability. To me, I never feel more naked. It’s ironic that it now looks like public speaking is going to be part of my career.
I had a choice. I could choose to prevent the feeling of vulnerability by either turning down the opportunities to speak or by standing on stage and pretending to be someone I’m not; or I could choose to be exposed. The latter is scary, but the former wouldn’t do anyone any favours.
If I censored parts of my personality, or decided that I – just the way I am – am not good enough, it would be a double disservice. Not only would I be sending a clear message to myself that I am not worthy and there are parts of me that I don’t love, but I would also be withholding something that may be of benefit to someone else. There may just be someone in the audience whose life is altered by something I say or do.
This doesn’t just go for someone speaking from a stage. We have the power to make a difference every day just by showing up, being vulnerable, being exposed, and laying all parts of ourselves on the table – both the brilliant parts and the parts that we consider shutting away from the world. When we see someone’s vulnerability, we instantly feel intimately connected to that person because our soul can recognise theirs.
The most important step when it comes to healing, recovery, thriving, and living out the highest and most inspired expression of yourself is self love. And the first step of self love is vulnerability – exposing all parts of you without judgment, without censorship, and with complete shining acceptance.
This TED talk by Brene Brown is what sparked by love of vulnerability. Your day will be made better by watching:
How do you feel about vulnerability? It is something you embrace or resist at all costs?
Positive affirmation for the day: I am proud to show off every single part of me.
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POSTED IN: courage, feeling, self love, vulnerability
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Love this post Jess. I adore Brene and her message, and you’re so right about pushing through fear with the knowledge that what you have to share could rock someone else’s life. Such a beautiful – and empowering, fear-quashing – way to look at it. xx
Your openness is beautiful, Jess. I’ve admired your ability to speak your truth since I first started reading your blog, and you’ve helped me to do the same – thank you! It’s an amazing feeling – liberating [+ a little scary].
Fantastic post Jess!
I have been trying to do this recently. imposing myself and trying not to feel embarrassed about it.
You see it with dogs all the time. Even the toughest dogs roll over to show all so they can connect better with other dogs.
x
Many people can learn this message – particularly men.
Love the Starhawk quote 
Yes Sat, I (Lyall) agree, there are a lot of men who need to hear this.
Wow, an amazing post Jess, and a great talk by Brene Brown –
I know I can say this (without any awkwardness) Jess, you are a beautiful young lady, inside and out.
You are an inspiration to both Kristine and myself.
Thanks Jess, this is exactly the message I need to hear right now. I have been feeling so vulnerable building my blog and trying out video blogging. I feel so embarrassed and petrified to put myself out there. I have always been a bit shy and never wanted to be centre of attention, but trying to push myself and do it scared. I guess when you come from a place of vulnerability you are showing your authentic self and alot more people can relate and connect to that feeling.
I TOTALLY AGREE with Lyn and having been feeling THE SAME way! I am usually shy, not as well spoken and don’t put myself out there, but passionate and exuberant about nutrition, health, positive thoughts, green living, etc. and WANT to share and connect so deeply. I have opened up more in the past year but still working on myself (we all are). I just made my first video blog about skin brushing and was so nervous and unsure about myself – and it came across in video ( to me, it did!) However, seeing this post and video has helped me immensely and it was perfect time, perfect place scenario. It’s OK to be vulnerable and not so hard on myself to be perfect or something/someone that I think I should be. I surrender to the vulnerability and opportunity to grow and let the REAL ME out . Look out, I just might LOVE who/ what I find! Thank you, Jess! Your articles brighten and expand my day.
Jess:
This is a beautiful goal. I have tried this in the past and in the beginning it was very interesting, and then it became too intense for me to be vulnerable. People wanted more than I could give. I only say this because I think vulnerability is best started with healthy boundaries.
Secondly–I highly recommend Toastmasters. I’ve been attending regularly for 5 years and I am frequently complimented on my presentations and people are stunned to find out my legs used to shake when I spoke. TMI is an organization which supports the speaker and the leader. I recommend visiting several clubs until one feels right.
Thanks for sharing!
beautiful post !
so many years i thought vulnerability was a weakness, but beautifully learning to open up and become more and more vulnerable 
xx
Thank you so much for this, Jess. I’ve been investigating the impact of fear and vulnerability a lot recently, and I think we could all do with making friends with our vulnerable side. I love what you said about the fact that if we hold back, we might be withholding our talents or message from someone else. Excellent talk from Brene as well- fantastic.
Excellent post, Jess- thank you!
I think the main message from the video is what we need to carry with us to be vulnerable. I Am Enough. If we are enough and we truly believe it then we can be our authentic selves. Love the post and shared on my post and twitter xx
showing your vulnerabilty to me means that you are living more authentically, and that leads to happiness… Sonia x
Beautiful, absolutely brilliant. I recently wrote a post titled “Living with an Open Heart” on my blog last week, and I am so grateful that you touched on this subject today.
Being vulnerable takes so much strength and faith.
xxx
That’s such a beautiful article.
Vulnerability is part of accepting and loving oneself. Vulnerability is healing.
I think we are also able to love fully & help others only once we are open to vulnerability!
I’ve recently recovered from 15 years of struggle with Bulimia and wouldn’t be able to be fully recovered today if I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable!
Love this article,
<3
Pauline
Great article + video, Jess.
Society today has become so cold, dispassionate + performance-related, (in the name of profit, at any cost), that we fear we are “not good enough” unless we perform consistently perfectly.
Unconditional love has become Conditional based upon performance.
This is creating emotional imbalance in society.
We need to return to our “hearts”………. and when we listen to our hearts we know that we don’t have to be perfect to be deserving of unconditional love.
Is your baby only deserving of love based upon performance?
Is your dog only deserving of love based upon performance?
Is your Mother only deserving of love based upon performance?
Great blog, it really hits a raw nerve with me….Brene Brown described me as a mother/parent sometimes im not a nice person to my children can be very demanding and judgemental. It is the fear of showing vulnerability. NEED TO CHANGE….Love your web site read it everyday xxx
Fantastic post, as always!
As Sat already said: This is a message many people should learn – particularly men. In our society, especially in our job world, it is all about playing a role and trying to pretend to be completey INvulnerable. This is a phenomenon you can especially notice amongst the majority of men: they never call in sick, they never admit a mistake or weakness and don´t show any sentimental emtions.
I will never forget that during my yearlong jobsearch after one interview I got the feedback by a HR-representative: “You are too honest”, which implies, that I showed my vulnerability.
But I wouldn´t call that being vulnerable but being authentic. And today, not only during job interviews, most people can´t cope with authentic, honest people. This is really sad because this means the majority is playing a role which is not only exhausting and frustrating, but in the long run will also make you ill.
Thanks Jess, what a special video.
As a psychologist, I especially appreciated Brene Brown’s sharing of her experience with her therapist. And there was so much on this video that touched home, but probably most of all, her emphasis on letting ourselves be seen.
Thanks again.
I love this! And I so agree, though I find it hard to show my vulnerability at times.
Brilliant woman! Keep spreadin’ that message of vulnerable love sister! I watched this TedTalk weeks ago and was hypnotised- it is just SO amazing that vulnerable + vulnerability are current themes at them moment. Enter RIGHT BRAIN energy and divine femininity. What a spectacularly precious time to be alive!
This made my morning and I’ve been a bit down about myself since yesterday and needed a reason to smile today and this was it. Thanks, you’re inspiring.
Jess darling I love this! I must have missed this come through last week but it turns out it has arrived with devine timing today for me! thankyou beautiful lady! Much love xoxo
What an amazing coincidence that just yesterday I watched this TED talk for the first time. I thought it was so wonderful and that everyone would relate to it, so I shared it with all my friends. Glad to see it is going around!
I couldn’t agree more.
But then I’m left wondering – how can I ‘learn’ to become more vulnerable? And how can I ‘un-numb’ my emotions?
I just turned 28 and I most def don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling numb…
Another great article Jess, thank you!
I noticed a few comments made that this article should be read by more men, and while I don’t necessarily disagree, vulnerability is a form of fear and almost everyone fears something. In the industry that I currently work (and have done for some time) I have found that many woman micro-manage – or as I like to call it the fear of letting go.
Men and woman “operate” differently – we all know this – so while women may express their feelings more openly, usually through conversation, men will often do this through actions. One of the most difficult things to master is to not judge the actions or words of others based on our own beliefs. What we should challenge ourselves to do is look at each instance for what it is and find the goodness, love and perfection in it. The more one is loved, comforted and confident, the more likely they are to make themselves vulnerable.
Cheers