Can You Be Happy For No Reason?
I caught myself doing it again the other day. I was doing some blog stalking, and as I was scrolling through one of my favourite sites I was thinking, “I will be so happy when I can …”
Just when you think you’ve got those buggers tamed, the naughty mind monkeys start playing up again. I thought I had cured my long-standing case of the “when I haves”, but apparently I still have some work to do.
Back in the day I always envisioned that life would be amazing in the future. I may have had a wonderful job, a great boyfriend, somewhere nice to live, and awesome friends and family – but I always wanted more. I thought that life would be better if only I could get that promotion, or afford that designer handbag, or lose enough weight to look like a Victoria’s Secret model. However, as soon as the “when I haves” became the “I haves”, I was still not satisfied. I would always find something else to keep my desire list long and my contentment unfulfilled.
Can you relate?
Of course you can. All of us, at some stage, have pinned our happiness on a not-yet-realised future outcome. We allow thoughts of “When I have” to pull us out of the present moment and into a place where anxiety and fears run rampant. Plus, while it is great to be excited about the future, this often means that we tell ourselves that we’re unhappy with where we are in the present.
How can we stop idolising the future and start being content with the now?
+ Count Your Blessings:
Start a gratitude journal, or simply start and end each day by mentally listing at least 10 things you have in your life to be grateful for. Not only does the Universe reward grateful people, giving us more things to be grateful for, but showing gratitude is a great way of telling yourself that you are happy with whatever you have in your life in that moment.
+ Know That You Are Exactly Where You Need To Be:
Everything about the present moment is absolutely perfect. It may not be wrapped up in the perfect paper with a perfect bow on top, but everything is just as it is supposed to be for you and everyone around you. Think about how everything you have experienced in your life has led you to where you are at the moment. Now understand that whatever is happening in your life right now is happening because it is a necessary step in your journey.
+ Trust That The Universe Has Your Back:
There is something going on that is far bigger than you or I could ever explain. Our lives are all part of a much bigger universal scheme – but the good news is that when we play along nicely, things will always work out in our favour in the end. Trust that. One of my favourite spiritual teachers, Gabrielle Bernstein, explains this perfectly:
“The Universe is a constant flow of energy, always creating, always supporting and always attracting. The same energy that makes the planets revolve around the sun also lives inside you. This energy is vibrating through you at all times. When you are vibrating with fear, the energy of the Universe is attracting more fearful outcomes to you. When you are vibrating from a place of faith, you are guided to outcomes that are in alignment with the calm state that faith provides.”
+ Meditate:
The best way to connect and collaborate with the Universe is through meditation. For me, meditation is the number one tool that allows me to be happy with my life exactly the way it is. When you’re sitting in stillness and meditating, there is nothing to do besides sit in your own company. There is nothing to achieve, nothing to judge, and nothing to distract you. When you uphold a consistent meditation practice, that calm satisfaction will subtly seep out into other areas of your life too.
Just writing this post has helped me to appreciate the perfection of my life at the moment. I may not have everything I want to achieve in life right this second, but if I did the rest of my life would be pretty boring. I read this awesome quote by Albert Einstein the other day in Danielle LaPorte’s Fire Starter Sessions book:
“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”
Your dreams will come true, and my dreams will come true – they are just spread out over time to keep things fun and interesting.
Do you have a case of the “when I haves”? What steps do you take to pull yourself out of them?
Positive affirmation for the day: I choose to be happy.
MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PLATE: HOW TO END YOUR TORTURED RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD.
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POSTED IN: content, gabrielle bernstein, happiness, happy, happy for no reason, mind, when I have
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The gratitude thing really works. It’s my go to tool to use whenever I am feeling bad or negative. I always try to remember one of my favourite quotes too – Every day above ground is a good day! 
Thanks for that Jess, I needed that today – my wild mind monkeys are playing havoac with me lately. My -ing has been telling me to meditate, and although Im new at it, it helping heaps! Louise Hays 101 positive affirmations have also been amazing for me!
I love Louise’s 101 affirmations too- she’s brilliant!
Love Louise Hay too. She is my guru. Her books are so helpful
Oh God ……….. you just descibed me ……….
But reading how to stop idolising the future & accepting the present is how it should be now, has been happily taken on board
Thanks Jess
I signed up to Gabrielle Bernstein newsletter last night for this very reason!
I was just thinking about this exact topic this week. After watching a Ted Talk about happiness I thought, wow, I really do make so many “when I get….. I can finally be happy” statements. Well, calling attention to it makes it easier to recognize and catch myself. The practice of gratitude each day is really helping me to change my perspective. Thanks for the post Jess!
I read Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein while doing IVF last year. Before being taken to theatre or getting scans or tests etc I repated to myself my spririt/universe has my back. I knew I was not alone, no matter what I was going through or what the outcome was!
An awesome book to help with those talking monkies too!
Jess, this is an excellent post. I adore your honesty. I do the exact same thing – you should know that your blog is one of the best to stalk! xo
Thank u so much for this reminder Jess! I love that “all our dreams come true just not at once” it’s so true ! We are all on different paths & what will be will be its so true though I often think of all the things I want to accomplish then I think wait if they all happened tomorrow…then what? It’s so all about the journey not the destination !! It’s so exciting. Xx
Such a beautiful post and I love the picture! So cute!
I have to remind myself of this often. I go from happy as larry, content and grateful with everything I have, to looking forward to the future again. And then I say to myself; as if the abundance we have right now is not enough! Your gift to the world is to be content with what you have and to provide joy to others, whenever you can.
According to Huna philosophy, there are two aspects of love, being and becoming. Be happy being where you are, but be equally happy to become more. I focus on trying to keep the two in balance.
So well put Chantelle, I am going to write that down!
JUst such a great post Jess, I’ll bookmark it and read it often.
Thanks x
I was going through this though process on the weekend. Always raising the bar on myself, which is like a form of self abuse! I am learning to live in the moment and simply appreciate what is around me, I feel so much more calm and proud of smaller achievements when I do.
I needed to hear this today. I have been happy and positive for the last few months, but yesterday I let fear back in and it feels awful. Thanks for these reminders.
Love this! I find myself doing the same thing – great tips!
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Maria.
I’ve mixed in aspects of my 12 step program with gratitude and each morning say to myself “Just for Today I choose to be happy and grateful”. Been doing this for a couple of months, along with a gratitude journal from Kikki K (not everyday journal, I’m not that disciplined) but has made a big difference to how I start my day xx
Paraphrasing a quote from I think the Dalai Lama or Deepak (not 100% sure), the source of our unhappiness is our discontent/dissatisfaction with where we are right now
Love this last bit!
“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”
Your dreams will come true, and my dreams will come true – they are just spread out over time to keep things fun and interesting.”
too true- how boring would our 100 year existence be if we had it all happen by our 21st year!
Jess,
This is a great post, and I found the topic to be very timely. I just went through of my own case of “must-haves”. One of the things I do to pull myself out of it is to remind myself how I felt when I returned from my trip around the world. I traveled for 5 months with a two pairs of shoes, a few changes of clothes, and I was the happiest I’ve ever been. I felt so light and free, and I didn’t feel like I needed to have something to experience happiness. When I got back from my trip, I cleaned my closet, gave away half of my things and I had the urge to simplify my life because I realized how much stuff we accumulate. I was horrified! I had a chance to visit some very poor countries, and I noticed that citizens of these countries don’t have access to as many toys as we do, they smile, play and enjoy life. Alas, I am back home, and I am integrating back into our “must have this now” society. And when I feel that I MUST have this, I just remind myself that I spent almost half a year without, and I managed to be so happy.
I would say that perspective and mindfulness has been the most valuable tool to combat my “must have attacks’.
Hi Jess!
Have just found your blog and must say, you are AWESOME! Loving it
Gabby B is a hero of mine too, such a wonderful soul
I stumbled across your site today after reading your article on Mind Body Green, and I must say this particular post really speaks to me. I was chatting about it with a friend just last night – everyone is always so focused on getting somewhere, on getting to that point in their life where everything will be just right, that it can be easy to forget to look around and appreciate what we have right NOW.
Thanks again for the reminder!! xxxx