The healing power of ‘no’
I’m a people pleaser. This is both one of my attributes and weaknesses. It’s a good thing because it means I’m (mostly) seen as a nice person, but on the other hand it means that I tend to give more of myself than I really truly want to. I have trouble saying no, without a big stab of guilt punishing me for it. I have always known this, but it wasn’t until I had a conversation with Dr Greg Schreeuwer (you might remember him from yesterday’s thought-provoking guest post) that I realised just how much damage this incessant need to please could be doing to me.
Dr Schreeuwer works with people to uncover the underlying causes of their illnesses. We had an awesome long chat about what I was like and what was happening in my life at the time I suspect my cancer was manifested (about 10 years ago, when I was 16), when I was diagnosed (at 22) and right up until I started Gerson Therapy (at 24). I won’t bore you with the details of my pre-cancer personality, but Dr Schreeuwer helped me discover a pattern – I have had a penchant for giving so much of myself away without taking the time to nurture and nourish myself properly. Among others, this showed itself in my binge drinking, poor eating habits, working long hours, and not standing up for myself in past romantic relationships and friendships. Growing up as a pretty spoilt (but not a spoilt brat!) only child, I was always very conscious that I could be perceived as being selfish and I was desperate not to be thought of in this way. I remember being called selfish when I was younger and it cut me deep. So subconsciously, it turns out I would strive to be selfless.
Dr Schreeuwer reiterated what Louise Hay also says about the left side of the body being the “feminine” side, and about the left hand and arm being linked to “giving”. We concluded that my cancer may have manifested in this area to send me a message to stop giving so much of myself away, and to start taking or giving myself what I need. Drilling deeper down into my situation, Dr Schreeuwer found it fascinating that my only treatment option in the eyes of conventional medicine was to have my arm amputated. It was kind of like my body was giving me a very simple ultimatum – stop giving so much of yourself away, or you will lose your arm and physically won’t be able to continue giving.
I completely understand that this kind of rationalising isn’t for everyone, and that is okay. I also realise that it probably makes many people uncomfortable to look at something as controversial as cancer from this angle. However, for me personally, it makes a lot of sense. I have always had an inkling that part of my past behavioural patters may have contributed to the manifestation of my disease (why else would I get such a rare cancer at such a young age – I was reckless with my eating and drinking, but no more than anyone else my age), and I find it empowering to be able to link it to something that I possess the power to change.
By taking on Gerson Therapy – a healing modality that requires me to pour all of my energy into nurturing myself – I had already started to rewire my old habits. Everything I do is directed at healing my body, mind and spirit. However, I have realised I still have a little way to go. I still have trouble saying ‘no’ to people, I still hate letting people down in any way, and I will still usually put my own needs and wants aside to accommodate others (my boyfriend is probably laughing after reading that). I recognise that in some ways, I am still a bit of a pushover. But I’m working on it. Dr Schreeuwer gave me a little exercise to complete every time I want to say no to someone, but start getting the guilts. He said to write a list of 100 benefits the person will receive by me saying no to them – that way my brain will start to understand that saying no is actually beneficial to both parties. If I want to take it further, he said I should also list 100 drawbacks the person will experience from me saying yes to them when I feel too guilty to say no. I have started doing these exercises and I have to say I’m surprised by how well they work. I’m also planning on doing some EFT (emotional freedom technique) tapping to help release further stored emotions and patterns, so stay tuned for a post about my experiences with that.
Have you recognised any patterns in your behaviour that may be linked to an illness or dis-ease in your body?
I just want to take a moment at the end of this post to thank Dr Schreeuwer for taking the time to eloquently and patiently answer everyone’s questions under yesterday’s post. It takes pretty thick skin to be willing to write about such a controversial topic on the web, and I’m incredibly grateful to have his knowledge and views add another dimension to my site. Whether you agree with him or not, I think it’s an important part of our wellness journeys to be presented with ALL of the different healing theories. What you do with the information is up to you, but people deserve respect for having the guts and compassion for putting their thoughts and findings out there for our consideration. Think about how limited the world would be if we all kept closed minds?
Positive affirmation for the day: I am kind and respectful to all beings.
Image credit: Anne-Lise Heinrichs
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POSTED IN: being selfish, cancer, dis-ease, Dr Greg Schreeuwer, guilt, healing, no, nurturing self, saying no, selfless
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Without open minds the world would still be flat. Just because a theory is “out there” does not mean it it incorrect. Some of the greatest minds in history were ridiculed… I very much enjoyed Dr. Schreeuwer’s post, especially after having read Andreas Moritz’s book. It all is really about not seeing our bodies as cancer wielding enemies.
I also see some manifestation triggers in my situation, especially having remained in a toxic marriage for too long and the painful process of learning how to set boundaries and finding the courage to stand on my own two feet. Last straw to years and years of malnutrition, alcohol and polluted food etc?
Jess: love this. I’ve been waiting for an emotional-illness perspective to your work. For me personally, since being a ‘grown-up’ 
I have never had a doctor, professional diagnosis or taken any form of medical anything (truth be told, even a vitamin/supplement anything) because the moment something shows up in my body — from as small as a cold sore to as major as organ stuff — I immediately look for the emotional background and use different methods to understand it, process it and clear it.
Predominantly I have done this via muscle-testing (kinesiology and Neuro Emotional Technique), but I also help my clients do it via my own Dettman Method which I created an Ebook and MP3 package for. I never get sick, and when I do, I stop and ask myself: What’s going on? What’s calling at me subconsciously? What needs to come to the surface?”
I know Louise Hay has a list of what physical ailments represent emotionally in “You Can Heal Your Life”, but the BEST and ULTIMATE guidebook I turn to regularly, and have done for many years, is Annette Noontil’s VERY comprehensive “The Body is the Barometer of the Soul II: So Be Your Own Doctor”. http://www.annettenoontil.com/Body%20Review.htm
Again, as you articulated, this approach is probably considered too extreme for most people who prefer a more balanced ‘physical chemical emotional’ triangle approach to their health (which I concur is very wise). But I feel in our society people don’t have nearly enough understanding that our thoughts and emotions literally, PHYSICALLY create our realities, and that includes our bodily make-up and all the different ways in which our bodies communicate back to us and hold a mirror up to our inner, supressed, buried stuff.
Anyway, well done Jess, and from my experience the ‘big things’ (cancer, tumors etc) sometimes require many, many layers that need peeling back emotionally over a period of time until full healing comes to light… (and being your resident psychic, I also need to add that sometimes they’re caused by unresolved negative emotions from past lives)… but it’s all OK, and part of our journeys. 
Hi Rebecca and Jess!
Rebecca I remember you from your ‘beauty editor’ days….I’m going to email you separately. And to Jess you are a champion. I love your site and everything you have to offer and share. After a diagnosis of breast cancer this time last year and having gone down the road of ‘conventional’ medicine – but not wanting to – I love everything you share with us. I’m trying to change so many things in my life including diet, lifestyle, emotions and more….I believe I know what caused my cancer and it was emotional trauma from many issues and sometimes when I say this to people they look at you very strangely! Jess….you are an amazing inspiration to me and I’d love to meet you in person one day. You really have taken control of your health and I love that. Take care, Mia x
Jess, I am so glad that you have opened up this path of emotional content in disease through your blog. I have also been waiting for you to do this. Yes a brave step but seeing as the two go hand in hand a very necessary one.
I have been reading the post and all comments from yesterday also.
I would like to send so much gratitude and appreciation to Greg Schreeuwer.
It’s really interesting to see all the anger that this creates and not only that but the very incoherent ways that it was expressed.
I’m sure that many of your readers and followers are very open to learning and investigating ideas outside their knowledge base.
One of the books that Greg mentioned yesterday is a gem – The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
I know that yesterday created a tiny storm with some but I really hope that you continue to write about this. It’s so important.
I have had my own journey with it and know just how priceless this information was and is for me.
@ Rebecca Dettman – great stuff, thank you.
Hi Jess,
It was an absolute pleasure to share my knowledge on your site. I am grateful to have had this opportunity and I look forward to further collaboration together.
Thank you for acknowledging what I do and the insights you were able to see within your own journey. I had to stop the car on the way home to finish reading this and it brought tears to my eyes. You are an inspiring woman and equally as courageous. It takes a lot of will power and discipline to challenge underlying habits and beliefs and I believe that you are transcending and will continue to transcend expectations around this issue.
Great work Jess. I have had a partial mastectomy on the left side and understand the giving of yourself completely. Now my cancer has returned it is mainly in the right side of my vertebrae so I am not so sure where that one lies except that I recently lost my Dad the most important male influence on my development. Watching him die of cancer made me sure that I dont want that. So unlike my Dad, I am happy to take responsibility for all of my past patterns and negative habits but I am finding it hard to change quickly. Last night i said No to work then felt guilty, then remembered I am a different person now and the guilt subsided phew!
Hi Jess,
Just a lil msg to say how much I enjoy reading your posts and as a fellow Gerson person for the last 9 weeks, I can entirely relate to your circumstance and your post today sounded like your were describing myself and my life!!…I will be politely saying no quite a bit more starting from tomorrow!!…Thankyou for that realization!
I thoroughly enjoyed the post by Dr Schreeuwer, totally agree with him. Inspirational is all I can say!
Keep up the great work you are doing Jess, it is a most wonderful gift of service that you are providing and I just know that you will receive many blessings in return for your efforts in promoting the proven Gerson Regime and associated wellness information.
P.S. I am not sure how our fellow Gerson persons are doing with the caster oil intake every second nite!!!…As a tip, I have been filling empty vege capsules with the oil to make this part of the regime much more pleasant!!!
Good for you Jess. Any behavioral aha moments are great I think. And I have to say, I don’t mind this type of alternative theory/therapy, what I mind is when people present them as having scientific support when it’s really more anecdotal and from the experience of individual practitioners. I think things shouldn’t be called what they aren’t. Apart from that – all the power to you.
Btw do you know what different types of alternative theories exist about different parts of the body representing something else, if you get what I mean like your example with left side body and giving, but something more specific and with more of a widely supported theory behind it? Have an auyrvedic medicine book so I could look into that and see if I find anything there.
Behavior obviously has both direct and indirect effect on the body, mind and soul and I think you have to start with the obvious and then peel down into subtler and subtler things. It’s a process. And I think some people maybe complicate things by making it into something mysterious or new-age-y when it’s really something quite natural. I think this could scare some people away. So I think it’s good that you can work with this in more traditional ways too, like regular therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy and a bunch of other techniques.
Hi Ulrika,
Most of what Jess was referring to is found in Chinese medicine literature. Left side of the body representing the yin energy and right side representing the yang energy. Yin energy in Chinese medicine is about receiving, like the lungs for example which are a yin organ. They receive vital oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen and so on. Yang energy in Chinese medicine is about actioning, like the colon for example which is a yang organ. It’s main function is to eliminate out of the body.
When looking at different body parts, or organ systems, understanding the underlying mechanics of those areas gives clues to the underlying patterning going on in the unconscious brain. The arm is primarily used for giving and receiving on both sides, however since its on the left in Jess’s case, it’s about giving and receiving feminine energy, which is primarily stored inside the body. Again, all the yin or feminine meridians run along the inside of the body whereas the yang meridians run on the outside.
Check out the literature and that might answer some questions.
Dr Schreeuwer, great explanation . Would the female breasts be considered yang/ giving ?
Hi Rena,
The breasts, because of their action are yang dominant. They provide nurturing, however they have an underlying Yin component because they receive various hormones to be able to provide vital nutrients to growing babies.
The side of your body also has a part to play in terms of your own feminine and masculine energies – so how much you nurture yourself or others. Nurturing you, being the left side and nurturing others, being the right side.
I hope that answers your question.
Yes you have, thanks! This and yesterday’s thread fascinates me. So my right sided breast cancer may be manifested out of a lack of nurturing others or an inability to do so? Or resentment to do so?
I would suspect that if you have a right sided breast cancer, and since the breast is involved with nurturing, you may not consciously see the benefit to yourself of nurturing others around you and may possibly feel an unconscious or even conscious resentment to do so. You may also not want the people around you to nurture you either because you may want to do everything yourself.
With every yang dominant action, there needs to be an underlying yin process going on in order to help the yang energy function. In order to nurture others outside of you or have others outside of you nurture you, the brain needs to feel like it’s receiving something it requires according to its core values in order to take those action steps.
I hope this helps to put some things into perspective.
Oh yes it does . I am grateful for you sharing this !
Jess,
That’s exactly what I feel about any disease or condition. There are so many factors that contribute to an illness, including the emotional side, too. If we view the body from the holistic point of view, all these things need to be taken into consideration: lifestyle, diet, exposure to drugs, toxins, radiation and pollution, stress, workaholism, the amount /or lack of exercise and sleep, and more subtle factors like family problems – even the stress, guilt, shame and sadness we hold in our genes from the previous generations (as Bert Hallinger would put it), relationships, the unfullfilled need to develop our spirituality, not enough contact with nature, no grounding, any imbalance resulting from the lack of safety…
I cannot separate the body and spirit that’s why it’s so hard for me to accept conventional doctors’ opinions. For example if I hear my problem is low thyroid function, and thyroid is a gland of fifth chakra – what comes to my mind is self-expresssion and communication. How can I see my body as a whole and help my thyroid? Change the diet, include more exercise, but also have more time for myself, for creativity, for nurturing my needs of self-expression, and surprisingly – sing more. I don’t think your approach is shocking or too farfetched, it just demands a more open, (w)holistic attitude – and I couldn’t agree more with it. It’s all about listening to your body at a very profound level.
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